Nodiadau Niwro Amrywiol
Gan: Mali Hâf
Neuro Diverse Notes
Neuro-divergent — it’s a word that’s shifted meaning for me over the years: how I respond to it, how I understand it, and how I place it within my identity. Recently, I’ve started wondering: is it just another way of saying “creative brain”?
My name is Mali Hâf. I’m a Welsh artist from Cardiff. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 16. I’m 28 now, so I’ve lived through the change in how people talk about it, understand it, and respond to it. At the time, my diagnosis was considered late. Being a girl, too, meant a lot of it was misunderstood, or simply missed.
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Looking back with what we know now, it’s strange to think how alone I felt in it. I didn’t really talk about it with friends. Partly because no one else seemed to be having the same experience that I knew of, but also because I was still trying to understand it myself — what it meant, and where it fitted into who I was.
School changed after the diagnosis. Not dramatically, not magically, but noticeably. I could focus on the things I loved for longer. I started to make sense of certain parts of myself. Why I felt different. Why I was always the slightly chaotic, slightly intense, slightly “quirky” one in every group I found myself in.
Then I went to university.
I’d been medicated since my diagnosis, and in some ways I thought that meant things would get easier. But honestly, university was harder in a completely different way. There was way less support, and suddenly there was a huge spotlight on social skills, independence, organisation — all the things that many neuro-divergent people struggle with and try to mask.
It also made me realise how comfortable I’d felt back home in Cymru.
Now, I would never tell someone not to go to university. But I can’t stress enough how difficult that environment can be for someone who is neuro-divergent. I started losing my love for music. I had panic attacks when talking to people. Some days I couldn’t even leave my bed to do simple tasks.
I don’t want to turn this into my entire life story — I’m not sure that’s what anyone wants to read — but fast forward a bit, and I’ve left Leeds and moved back home to Cardiff.
And honestly, I started again.
This time with a lot more understanding of my brain. I fell back in love with creating. I felt happier being home. More grounded. More myself. Also with help from therapy and taking medication regularly.
Not long after that, I started doing ADHD talks and media work with S4C, Hansh, and BBC Radio Wales. I really wanted people to understand it properly. I was tired of people thinking I was odd or chaotic and then suddenly becoming forgiving the moment there was a label attached to it.
I wanted people to know that there are reasons behind the way some of us move through the world differently.
And weirdly, the thing I thought would hold me back became the thing that helped me connect with people the most. By being open about my vulnerability and learning not to hide and pretend all the time, I noticed that people warmed to this and felt comfortable around me. And also, my impulsivity is my spontaneity and my ability to improvise, which makes performance and songwriting far more interesting. I think a lot of us neuro-spicy people grow up believing our brains are the obstacle. But sometimes, understanding them and accepting them is what finally allows us to move forward and value some of our unique qualities.
I can’t stress enough how much empathy I have for the battles neurodivergence can bring people. I never want it to get in the way of someone’s creativity, or stop them from being fully themselves around others.
I guess that’s the main reason why I’m here on Anthem.
So to my neuro-spicy crew: keep communicating. Keep finding little ways to help yourself. Keep giving yourself grace.
And most importantly, keep creating!
Things That Work For Me
These might not be anything new, but I want to share honestly what has worked for me, which might give someone else permission to try them.
Schedule your days off
You schedule everything else, so why not downtime?
Rest isn’t a reward. It’s part of any job you can keep doing well with enthusiasm.
If you don’t plan your time off, burnout will plan it for you.
Morning Pages
This is an exercise from the book The Artist’s Way, and I try to stick to it religiously. This involves writing down your stream of consciousness first thing in the morning without planning it.
I have a million thoughts a day, so I need to empty the brain out sometimes. We have bin days for our homes, but not for our loud brains filled to the brim with thoughts. It’s amazing how, when I read back, ideas can sneak into my songs, and it brings noticeable peace of mind when I’m consistent with it.
Gig Bag
Ok, so yes, I am the singer, so less things to carry, you’d think.
But I’m still responsible for the tracks on my laptop, the splitter cable, props, merch etc. Whatever your instrument, bring a gig bag and keep to the same one. Do not switch bags. I personally struggle with that and then it affects what I’ve packed every time.
If you’ve read this, make a pretty gig bag list now. The stress of forgetting things for a gig is not worth it. This includes snacks and ear defenders. Hunger can affect any brain, but I literally run out of words when I’m hungry, or get very dreamy. Not ideal before gigs. My medication is also a lot more effective with some food. I also forget to eat due to the business of life, so I’ve been trying to pack snacks for most things in life. It’s so important.
Share your emails with an organised trusted person
Most of us don’t have a team, even though that’s the goal. For short times, I’ve been lucky to have a team. But currently I’m without a manager, booking agent or anything else.
Even with those things, unfortunately, we’ll always have loads of responsibilities, for example answering emails. So I guess that’s the first task: accepting the place of admin in your world. You could retreat to a forest and completely change your life, sure… tempting! However, admin is in every aspect of our lives now, and I used to just say, “it’s ok brain, eventually managers and other people will answer for you,” but that wasn’t a helpful thought.
I share my emails with my band member Ioan Gwyn. That way, it can take off the load with organising gigs, reminders to answer emails, and sending invoices.
You can also have an email tag like: Neurodivergent — replies may be slower, might need friendly reminders.
Physical Exercise
Did you know exercise can release the same amount of dopamine as taking ADHD medication? I feel a big difference in my life when I haven’t exercised. It’s my medicine. Also, it helps not being out of breath down the microphone when performing.
Miley Cyrus and other big stars sing whilst exercising — great way to work on breath control, if you’re not worried about what others think of you, ahah!
Artist King Khan says: “I love to skateboard and it is so helpful for emotional regulation.”
Change the Environment
Producer Bryn Llywelyn mentions struggling with obsessing over sound, mixes and melodies: “What really helps is changing locations. Sometimes switching production to the van after work, sometimes hiring a new studio, sometimes a guitar on a walk with a view.”
Affirmations
I’ve got so many posted around my room, in the corner of my mirror. Practise saying these before performances or networking.
Artist Chuts says: “Imposter Syndrome can be a bitch, but affirmations are a God send!”
Mirroring
I tend to catch myself mirroring. It happens without thinking. Subtle things like standing at a bus stop, I catch myself copying the same pose as the man who’s also waiting. Or I’m talking to someone and they push their hair behind their ears, so I also do the same.
This also gets a little more complex and embarrassing in interviews. I hear my voice starting to mimic the interviewer and suddenly I’m sounding more North Walian, or by reading too much into the interviewer’s body language, I start to make unnecessary changes.
A tip for this is something I got from my Mam: pretend you’re speaking to your sister, or a close friend. Mirroring can also be the result of sensory seeking, so if you have a little fidget toy or something in your pocket, that can help you stay regulated.
Do Not Be Afraid to Ask
I can’t highlight this enough.
This has probably been the biggest lesson of my whole musical journey.
Learning to ask for what I need has genuinely changed everything. Examples: asking for a break in the studio. Asking if there’s a quiet space at an event. Saying, “I can’t do an interview right now, I’m overwhelmed.” Taking five minutes alone after a gig before speaking to anyone.
There was a time I would’ve thought that made me difficult. Now I realise it just means I know myself.
Even in small, everyday moments, asking someone to repeat what they said because I didn’t process it the first time, or admitting I didn’t get the joke. I don’t process things at the same pace as everyone else… and that’s okay. Sometimes I’ll ask, sometimes I’ll just smile politely and move on. Probably confuses people a bit, but staying kind matters more to me than getting it “right.”
The older I get, the more I understand my brain, what it needs, what it can cope with, and when I’m starting to hit my limit. That doesn’t mean the doubt disappears though. I still have those moments of thinking, “am I asking for too much?” or “am I being dramatic?”
But the truth is, no one knows what’s going on in your head unless you tell them. There are no mind readers.
Learning to be bold enough to say “hey, I need this” — that’s been the real shift. Not just for my work as an artist, but for my life in general.
Here is an Artist Welfare Rider I created to help you structure your needs - ARTIST WELFARE RIDER
References and further reading:
Link to a Welsh language book exploring neurodiversity. It includes a chapter by Mali Hâf and many others. Edited by Non Parry from the pop group EDEN: https://www.waterstones.com/book/dynol-iawn/y-lolfa/non-parry/9781800995567#reviews
The Artist’s Way - This book has helped me ground myself in my career and develop a healthy relationship towards my craft and brain.